Up and down

Day 12 is done, only 8 more days!  I slept pretty good last night until about 430am when all the water and saline in body decided I need to get up.  Unfortunately I couldn't go back to sleep.  I took some pills and forced myself to eat a good breakfast hoping that it wouldn't come back to haunt me later.  By the time I got my chemo session at 9am I was exhausted and feeling a little nauseous so I asked them to give me some IV Adovan.  This is lovely little drug that "relaxes" you and helps with nausea.  I was out for the next 2.5 hours.  After lunch I tried to keep busy to keep my mind off of feeling sick but by 4pm I was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch.  Noelle told me that Brynnley was talking to me trying to wake me up for a few minutes and I wasn't responding so Brynnley was getting scared.  I woke up to her crying because she didn't know what was going on, super sad...  I tried to calm her down and then went upstairs to finish my nap.  I slept until 715pm!  I never take naps, so this day has been quite a wierd day.  I can't say its been a bad day, I've slept through almost all of it.  The extra rest and fluid definatly helps as well.  I just finished a nice small plate of Thanksgiving leftovers that was even better than the real meal, good stuff! Who knows what tomorrow will be like but I'll enjoy a decent day while I can.  The up and down of everyday is really mentally taxing, I have no idea what to expect each day and just pray it is tolerable.  I've officially mounted my picture collage so I'm able to look at each time I come into my office at home.  That thing is awesome!  At 1st I just cried like a little girl because I couldn't believe all the people in the pictures... co-workers, doctors/nurses/techs that I work with, old roomates and college professors, family members I see far too little of, old friends, new friends, basketball teams and people I hardly know. Now I'm able to look at it and it makes smile knowing how many people are thinking of us and are praying for us.  Ask me in 3-4 days and I might have something different to say, but I can say it now.  Thanks again for all your support!

9 days left

Day 11 of my 20 days of chemotherapy is over with so I'm officially over the hump!  It was the 1st time for the nurses to use my port so I was nervous.  They prescribed me some Lidocane gel that I was supposed to rub on the site about an hour before my treatment.  The gel just numbed the area up a little bit so that the needle wouldn't hurt so bad.  Needless to say, I forgot to put the gel on.  Turns out that having a nurse access the port with a larger needle is MUCH LESS painful than having her miss 3-4 IV's in my hand with a tiny little needle.  It was quick and relatively painless.  I had my computer out cruising for some killer Cyber Monday deal (of which there were many) and was feeling relatively good.  I was even able to take a quick nap during the Cisplatin infusion.  BTW, this is the daily regimen when I am getting treatment...

~ 600 cc of saline for hydration = 1 hr
Decadron (steroids) and Anzemet (anit-nausea) = 20 min
~ 251 mg of Etoposide (Chemo drug #1) = 45 min
~ 51 mg of Cisplatin (Chemo drug #2) = 50 min
~ 600 cc of saline = 1 hr

Towards the end of the last saline infustion I started feeling it.  The ache nausiousness that always rears its ugly head.  The crummy thing is that for my 2nd cycle this feeling didnt hit me until Wednesday morning.  I downed almost an entire footlong from Subway and a bag of chips at lunchtime and felt great.  I drove myself home, took a nap, and Noelle's mom fixed a yummy dinner.  As I sat down to eat I realized I had no desire whatsoever to eat anything.  Bummer.  I forced myself to eat some chicken and rice but it was maybe 1/4 of what I would normally eat.  I guess its true that the more chemo you are exposed to, the quicker your body reacts to it.  So, thats that, looking forward to another long week.  It is tolerable though, after tomorrow's session I'll only have 8 days left.  I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!  It sure does make it easier with this little girl around.

I can't wait to meet her little sister.  Sorry for the poor quality but was the best I could pull off with ultrasound pictures.  Enjoy!

 

3rd cycle...

Happy Thanksgiving!!  We had a great week and very, very white Thanksgiving.  Overall we probably had 6-10 inches of snowfall this week and it snowed all day long on Thanksgiving so that was kind of fun.  Almost every day I went out to shovel and found that it had already been done for me.  I'm not sure exactly who was helping but if it was one of you, THANKS!!!  It's been a blessing because between Noelle being ~32 weeks pregnant and chemo Adam, its tough to get out and get it done.  I've done it a few times to try and keep the driveway clean and my back is so sore aftwards that I can't hardly get off the couch.  I have pretty much zero muscle left after almost 3 months of inactivity.  It's very frustrating seeing as how I was in great shape in August/September.  For the past few days I've noticed the driveway was cleaned off with a snowblower.  They were sneaky and I couldn't catch them in the act so I could thank them.  Yesterday, I watched my neighbor dragging his snowblower across the street and snowblowing our drive for us.  Seeing as how I've probably said hi only a handful of times and didn't even know his name, I was pretty shocked and very thankful.  We'll bring them some cookies this week for sure.  Here's a quick video of Brynn playing in the snow while it was only 8-10 degrees outside!  It got down to -4 F one day!  We hadn't planned very well for snow as you can tell by Brynnley's gloves.  They were an old pair of Noelle's gloves and the only ones we could find that day.  She still enjoyed every second. 

Thanksgiving was great!  We had all our favorite turkey day treats as well as the standard turkey, stuffing and potatoes.  I was able to eat almost anything I wanted so I was definatly happy.  I over did it on leftovers one night though, uggghhh.  I start chemo again tomorrow!  I'm actually a little bit anxious.  It's just such a roller coaster of bad days and good days and I don't know what this one will bring.  I can tell my body is physically wearing down so I don't know what to expect from these last two cycles.  The only thing I am looking forward to is getting over the hump of this week.  When this week is over, I will only have 5 days of chemotherapy left and that is something I can look forward to and something I can deal with.  I still feel like there is a long ways to go but I can definatly see a glimmer of light... just out of reach but getting closer.   

On a very positive note, my doctor told me at my last appointment that my tumor markers have been in the normal range since my lung surgery.  I take that as a very good sign.  I've always had a nagging worry that there could be something growing in my brain.  I've never been really worried about it but the thought is there.  They don't typically do brain MRI's unless I am having symptoms, which I never have.  The facts are  that my tumor markers were high when I had 3 tumors but the tumor markers have been normal since those tumors were removed is somewhat comforting.  Only just a little....  He was also talking about post-chemo treatment plans.  I'll go in for another PET/CT scan in early January just to make sure there is nothing else that we need to worry about in the short term.  It's definatly nice to medically look forward to something other than chemotherapy. 

Thankful for a good week

 

Awww, it's finally the good week.  Another week has passed so I guess it's time to blog again....ehh, sorry.  It's very frustrating because I honestly mean to update the blog, and heaven knows I spend enough time sitting on the computer, but I forgot or don't know what to say or blah blah blah.  Moving on....  I'm so thankful that my good week is falling on Thanksgiving.  I'm really excited because in my good weeks, I can eat pretty much anything I want.  I can't wait for all the Thanksgiving goodies!

A few things have happened since my last post.  Last Thursday I had a port placed in my chest.  For chemotherapy patients it means that I can get my chemo drugs, have blood drawn and have contrast injected for CT scans without having to get an IV in my arms.  I should have done it from the beginning but I was being stuborn.  I described the procedure to my mom and she cringed more than a few times so I thought some of you might find it interesting.  It's not a great picture, but here's how it works.  There is diaphram in the center that can be puntured by a special needle.  The drugs are injected just like a regular IV.  They go through the diaphram and into a catheter that is hanging right at the entrance to my heart.  This is a good thing because instead of the drugs working their way through small veins in my arm, they are quickly pushed through my whole blood stream.  Pretty cool little device that will hopefully save some time and headache in starting an IV every day.  The surgery took about 30 minutes and I was home 2 hours later.

Today I met with my oncologist to go over the 2nd cycle.  He answered some of questions and told me that some of the symptoms I was dealing this time around were due to the medications.  Ugghh, a necessary evil I guess.  There are some other things we can try.  When I look back on it, it was really just friday thru monday that were really tough days.  I think I can deal with that for 2 more cycles.  I also found out today that my white cell counts are down again.  Once again I get to do Neupogin shots again.  For the next 2 cycles, I'll get neupogin shots immediately following treatment to make sure that my counts stay high.  It not terrible but not a lot of fun.  If anyone really enjoys bone pain, they have something wrong with them. 

Winter is finally here in Spokane!  There is 2-3 fresh inches on the ground.  Brynnley is just fascinated by the stuff.  Hopefully we can play in it tomorrow or Wednesday and I can take some pictures.  She spent the day today playing with some friends and their 2 pet kittens.  She was so sad to leave when I picked her up :-(   Friends and kitties are so much more fun than daddy.  I'm ok with that :-)  I'm sure thankful to have good friends that we can trust her with when I have all these doctors appointments.  You know who you are, THANKS!!!!!

Long week

It's official, I've turned into a complete and utter emotional wreck.  This has been a really rough week.  Thankfully my dad took the time the come and spend a few days.  I was basically in my bed for the entirety but he got to spend a lot of time with his grandaughter and I know it helped ease the strain from Noelle so we were very, very grateful.  The nausea has been under control but the combination of acid reflux/heartburn and just uneasieness from the drugs has taken a tole.  I haven't slept more than an hour since I think Saturday night.  The doc perscribed my some Ambien for tonight, so I'm really hoping that allows me some rest.  Thats all I want is some unhindered sleep......  The restleness just allows my mind to race and it is not fun. 

Back to the emotional wreck thing... My buddy Jason was trying really hard to get me to fly to Dallas where he would pick me up and go to the A&M/OU game about a week and a half ago.  As much I wanted to, I just wasn't in the state to do it.  Then, in the midst of my brutal week or chemo infusions, I get a package from my buddy Jason.  4 Aggie t-shirt (Adam, Noelle, Brynnley and baby) and two bottles of the great Freebirds death sauce.  I pretty much lost it the second I saw the death sauce, lol. 

Then, my family apparently thinks its really funny to see me cry lately or something.  One of the hardest things about dealing with this, and specificially dealing with chemotherapy, is that I honestly feel completely alone.  I know for a fact that I'm not but sitting in bed for hours on end, with no relief and with nothing that anyone can physically do for you; that can put you in a pretty dark place.  My wife would do absolutely anything to ease my pain and take away anything she could and I know she is always with me.  I don't feel abandonded or anything like that, its just very difficult to describe.  Last night my dad tells me to get on Skype because they have a surprise for me and my mom wants to be on Skype to see when I get it.... great.... 

You all know about the blue wristbands and how cool I think I they are.  Well, my goofy siblings once again..... I say hi to my mom on the computer and my dad walks in with this framed picture.....  I vaguley even remembering getting off the computer because I was so taken by this picture.  I tried to make it as big as possible so hopefully some people can see themselves and realize how cool this is for me.  I know I'm not alone and now I have something to look at to prove it.  I know a lot pictures didn't make it into this collage, but it was all my dad had room for at the moment.  If you don't know see your picture, don't worry, I know you're out there :-) All I can say is thanks

Cycle 2, Day 1

This will be relatively short but I wanted to give a quick update.  I had the neupogen induced bone pain under control with Tylenol so it wasn't a big deal by the weekend, thankfully.  And according to the doctor "I responded beautifully to the shots"  My ANC was up to 1400 which still isn't "normal" but it is very good.  Much better than having it be <500. It was good enough to start treatment today.  Everything went smoothly, I didn't have a reaction to the Etoposide.  I started taking extra anti-nausea medication and extra steroids in the evening as well.  I'll continue that regimen through the weekend so that I hopefully will be able to keep food and water down and I won't end up in the hospital again.  I'm happy that things are going well but these drugs really mess with your mind.  I hate, hate, hate the way they make me feel.  It's kind of hard to describe, slightly nauseous, slight body aches, no energy, food just doesn't taste good, I'm scared to drink very much because of the nausea, blah, blah, blah.  It's really strange, for the most part I feel fine but I can tell something is very off.  I really don't have much to complain about compared to last time so I'm happy. 

We watched the show Community tonight, one of our favorites.  It was amazing to me how much better felt laughing at that stupid show.  For anyone who has watched it, this episode had one scene when Senor Chang was laughing so hard that he "snoughed" milk out of his nose.  He coughed and sneezed at the same time, classic.  I was just rolling watching that part and, thanks to the great DVR, we watched it a few times.  Well, off to bed I go, 14 days of chemo and about 52 more days until this is over!

I'm feelin' it

Today I had my 10 day post chemotherapy appointment with Dr. Njuguna, my Oncologist.  I didn't know this but at day 7-10 is when chemo is affecting your system the most dramatically.  It all has to do with cellular reproduction and growth.  Right at this time patients see the 1st effects of hair loss (ala my bald head) as well as a possibly decreased immune system.  At my doctor appointment they do blood tests to check red blood cells, white bloods and platelets (and a long list of other things).  As far as your immune system goes, the white cells are the most critical.  Well, my white cell count is actually pretty low.  Low enough that it sent the doctor into a bit of a craze.  We talked for a few minutes about how things were going and what the plans were for the next cycle of chemo so that I wouldn't end up in the hospital again.  Everything was relaxed and comfortable.  The next thing I know he looked at me and said "what, you're neutropenic?"  I obviously didn't know what that meant but he was pretty shocked.  5 minutes later I was in the chemotherapy suite getting a shot of the drug Neupogen.  None of the nurses seemed to concerned about it but it seemed a little concerning to me.  I get to go another shot tomorrow then Noelle gets to give me a shot on Saturday and one on Sunday.  Essentially, Neupogen is a powerful drug that stimulates your bone marrow to make more white blood cells.  The chemo is killing them off at such a rate that my bone marrow can't keep up.  What it really means, and why Dr. Njuguna was so concerned, is that 1) I'm at a pretty high risk of infection right now, 2) if my white cells don't come up by Monday then I might have to push chemo back OR (and this will suck if I have to do it) I will have to do my chemotherapy next week as an inpatient in the hospital.  Grrrrrrrr, not cool. 

Oh, by the way, I had my Neupogen injection at around 3pm today.  It's about 8 hours later.  Can you guess what it might feel like to have your bone marrow stimulated?  Bone pain, "yeah right, I'm 29 years old".  Whatever, I feel like a 90 year old.  Most of the pain (its really just discomfort at this point) is in my hips and lower back.  I just kind of hobble around and it is hard to even sit and type.  Yipee.....  My body has go to be hating me right now, like really hating me.  Ah well.  This is going to get really interesting if I have to do the remainder of my treatments as an inpatient.  I am not looking forward to that prospect.  Just counting down the days at this point.  Ups and downs, one day at a time....

Missing Texas

2 days in a row!  I forgot to publish this post so I'm counting it.  Last time I mentioned I had come up with a plan to cure some Texas homesickness.  We've lived in Spokane now for almost 4.5 years and we love it here.  But I have a longing to be home.  As I was growing up I lived in West Jordan until I was 11. South Jordan for 5 years. Oklahoma City for 2.5 years.  Dallas for a year. And College Station for 5.5 years.  I think that I will forever call College Station home.  Most people have fond memories of college and enjoyed their time there, but they are excited to move beyond that point in there life.  A lot of times I feel the same but sometimes I wish I had stayed there.  The time I spent there made me the person that I am.  I went to school there not knowing a single person.  Other than a good engineering program, I didn't know a single thing about A&M.  I lived by myself for a year and a half while I tried to figure out who I was and what I needed to do with myself.  I played basketball 5-6 times a week for almost 5 straight years, went to 2 Intramural National Championship events and made life-long friends because of that.  It was an amazing time for Noelle and I.  I'm so blessed with the job and life that we have now and I hate to even admit this, but I've had pretty strong temptations to just sell everything we own, move back to Texas, get my PhD, become a professor and live in College Station.  It's stupid and I wouldn't do that to my family but its soooo tempting.  I love College Station. 

The really funny thing is how my mind deals with this homesickness.  I know I'll never be able to relive the pick-up basketball games, engineering classes, poker tournaments with friends or stress-free lifestyle.  But, one thing I can do is eat.  I can sit down in Freebirds World Burrito in College Station and have the exact same beautiful experience as I did so many times while in college.  Once or twice a week I ate Freebirds... this magnificently unique, gigantic, perfection of a burrito full of all the greatness that is Texas.  Just thinking about it is leaving me drooling, hungry and aching for home.  I mean seriously, I tried to get Noelle on a plane this Thursday, fly to College Station, eat at our favorite spots, hit the OU vs A&M football game on Saturday and fly home Sunday before my next chemo.  She almost went for it, until she found out it would cost close to $2000 to do it.  I'd still do it, its only money ;) but I like keeping my wife happy more. 

When visiting Texas, and College Station in particular, there are a few staples that you have to hit.  For us, this is the run down....

At least 2 trips to Freebirds (one for the burrito, one for their killer nachos, soooo yummy)
At least 2 trips to Wings N' More (best hot garlic chicken wings you'll ever eat, period)
C and J's Barbeque
Mi Cocina Tex Mex
Koppe Bridge Burger and Fries
Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen (in Houston but worth every second of the 1.5 hr drive from College Station)

We've tried and tried but just can't reproduce the greatness of Freebirds or Wings N' More at home.  And there is just no way to reproduce good Tex Mex or true Texas BBQ, you just have to be there.  You can't get fresh gulf seafood in the Inland Northwest, not going to happen.  So the only way to get our fix is to physically go to Texas. 

Well, in my drug induced stupor I came up with a way that I can get my fix, if only partially.  I figured out a way to have both Freebirds and Wings every other week!!  We will make one trip to Texas in the Feb-March so that we can hit a few A&M basketball games and one trip in September-October so we can hit an A&M football game.  I need to bring an extra duffel bag style suitcase.  While we are there I will purchase two small styrofoam coolers.  Here is what we need to stock up on...

Wings N' More

A 6 month supply will consist of...
280 HOT GARLIC chicken wings
12 Lg fries
12 Pickle chip orders
12 Lg blue chees sauce side orders


Freebirds

A 6 month supply will consist of...
8 Super Monster burritos with all the good stuff inside
12 Lg sides of their killer queso
2 Bottles of their Bad A** BBQ sauce (truely unique)
1 Bottle of death sauce

Pack each cooler with some dry ice and all the food.  Surround the coolers with new Aggie t-shirts and gear.  Once home, freeze and enjoy as needed.  One week we can enjoy Freebirds and the next week we can enjoy Wings.  It's not quite the same as eating in the restaraunt but close enough for living 2,000 miles away from College Station.  We have a trip planned for hopefully March (my b-day) if we can make everything work.  I'll give it a try and see if it works.  In theory, it's a perfect plan, but you never know.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Well tomorrow, the high is 60 and it will be November 3rd.  I've been feeling so good that I'm going to go play some golf!  I haven't played since July but it will be fun, I'm sure.  Here's to making 3 days in a row tomorrow!

Snip, snip, snip...

Keeping on top of a blog is a very difficult thing to do.  It would seem that with so much going on I would have a lot to write about, but I've found it extremely difficult to motivate myself to write.  Its almost been a week since I've updated the blog yet my goal was to write everyday.  I have a lot of respect for those that maintain regular blog entries that are insightful and interesting.  Once again, I'm going to try to be better.  Maybe I'll be able to string together 2 or maybe even three days in a row this time! 

As a quick update....  My last depressing blog entry saw me writing at 4am in a hospital bed feeling worse than I've probably ever felt in my life.  After two uncomfortable days at home my GI system finally got situated and I've felt essentially normal since then.  I've lost almost all muscle definition and I get tired easily but thats more due to me sitting on the couch for the last 5 weeks with surgery/chemo than anything.  I quit taking all medications on Thursday last week and have felt great since.  I've eaten a completely normal diet which helps me a lot because unfortunately I really love good food :-).  We are very hopeful that the drug regimen I will be on for the 2nd cycle of chemo will be better.  Anything will be better, so we're optimistic.

I was going to talk about my Texas homesickness but its already getting late and I wanted to share what we did tonight instead.  So Texas tomorrow, for sure.

Noelle was at work today so I got to spend the day with my little girly.  She's so much fun, it was an awesome day.  I think her favorite thing to do right now is read books.  She's two and half so reading involves getting every book she owns and flipping through each page and then stacking the books back up.  Its so cute!  It makes me happy and hopeful that she will love learning like her mommy and daddy do.  While I was spending time with her, I started noticing that each time I would run my fingers through my hair, I would come away with 10-15 strands of hair.  I knew that I was going to lose my hair but it gives you a sick feeling in your stomach.  I don't know if its the reality that chemo has once again taken my hair and I will be bald or the fact that there are poisons inside me that are slowly killing my cells.  To be honest, I'm grateful that I'm loosing my hair because that means the chemo is doing its job.  If there are any other little devilish cancer cells floating through my body, the chemo is killing them as well.  At the same time, its a little scary.  When I went through chemo in 2005, I ran my hand through my hair one day and literally came down with an entire handful of hair.  I was really close to getting sick when that happened, it was such a shock.  This time I knew that day was coming so I was a little more prepared.  We went ahead and did away with the rest my hair on our own terms, with clippers, lol.  So here's the pictures.  Noelle wanted to have a little fun halfway through, apparently she digs guys with mohawks, I'm not sure what that is all about ;-)

Pumpkin carving with hair on Halloween. This picture is proof that my daughter stole my eyes...

My new work headshot!

"You're head feels so funny daddy!!"

A big thanks once again to my lovely wife for shaving my head.  It's definitely colder with no hair so this winter should be interesting.  Thanks to Noelle we are already prepared with 3-4 brand new beanies for me to wear so hopefully the cold won't be an issue. 

There's one other thing I need to mention.  Through the this whole process I have been blown away by the support that has been shown to my wife and I.  I honestly don't know how to handle it.  I fumble with words and am dumbfounded with how to show my thanks.  In the last picture, I'm wearing a dark blue elastic wristband thing.  For those of you who don't know or who aren't wearing one, that is my wristband.  By mine, I mean it was made for me.  It says, "UNITED WITH ADAM  PROVERBS 3:5"  My siblings came up with the idea.  I don't know if they remembered or if it was coincidence but that is probably my favorite all time scripture.  "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."  There are now well over a thousand of these bracelets and they are all over the place.  From friends in church to people at work to friends of friends across the country to my Biomedical Engineering department at Texas A&M.  I realize it is just an elastic wristband, but I'm so completely blown away with it that I don't even know what to say when I see friends or family wearing them.  It's really hit me pretty hard and gives me a lot of strength.  Thanks Camie and Bret and Drew, you guys are amazing!

So, you see much this little bracelet has affected me, imagine how I've felt watching as my younger brothers Bret and Drew, my brother-in-law Matt, my nephew Ryan and my old room mate John have shaved their heads.  I don't even know how to express the way I feel about that.  I love you guys!  I can be nothing but positive when I know that all these people are standing with me.  They would do absolutely anything for me and I really am seeing that.  Thank you so much to all those who offer comments on my blog, who bring us meals and offer to watch Brynnley and those who silently pray for us.  We feel it all and it lifts us up.  We are so grateful!